O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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