Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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