but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
