I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize