Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
