There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
