Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
