the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's like a pop up book from hell.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
