i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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