Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
