I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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