whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize