Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
