Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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