im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
