watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
