just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
