I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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