Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
