Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
