Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
