No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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