So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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