I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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