I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
