I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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