I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
3 2 1 whiskey
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
