This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
