I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
