Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
