well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need a beard to bite.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
