Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize