Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
