At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
