And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize