Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She bit a glass in half.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
