jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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