FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize