I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
