Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize