the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
