all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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