How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
