I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
