At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
