Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
