Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
