just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
