if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
