She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
