Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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