Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
