Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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