marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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