last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
