So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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