Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
