Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
