Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
