from now on my penis is your penis
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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