I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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