i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
